Something new happened to me today. Something that I was waiting for from the beginning of the Whole30. I was not hungry. I spent the whole day outside and hadn’t really thought about food much. Neither did I have the urge to swallow any Whole30 compliant thing in my immediate proximity. But as much as I was looking forward to the days that I won’t be hungry, I actually didn’t like this feeling when it came. I wasn’t hungry because I felt too full. Without even eating. I didn’t have the taste for something either. Is this it? Did the Whole30 just kill my appetite? Am I going to experience the pleasure of good food ever again?
It’s hideous weather in Australia today. For the first time since we arrived a month ago I was a bit cold. It was raining the whole day, outside world being totally unattractive to visit. And on top of everything I ran out of leftovers. That’s just what you need when mother nature is already setting up for a cranky mood. No ready meals on hand. No chocolate to sooth the upset soul. But I’m not giving up so easily. Equipped with conviction (and lots of food in the fridge from my last week shopping trips) I set up myself for a good day in the kitchen, new recipes and happy belly on the horizon.
I made it through the first week of the Whole30. Hurrayyy! Release the balloons, blow out the confetti… Because I didn’t kill anyone! Nor did I die out of hunger in a shady corner of the house as I really thought at the beginning. I’m not even so grumpy as I expected (most of the time). And I went through the weekend without my glass of white wine without a struggle. This is good. I’m pretty proud of myself already. If it goes like this I might be even able to actually finish this Whole30 thing.
I’m not sure about how I feel today. I think I went through all the possible emotional stages. Like if puberty happened again. I felt miserable in the morning, even though I woke up after 9 hours of beautiful sleep. Then I felt useless and completely out of focus. Being just moments from feeling great and full of energy. I am quite familiar with the mood swings, but I have to say that this was extreme even for me. I almost teared up watching Guardians of the Galaxy in the forenoon.
I’m not gonna lie. I spent most of the day 5 of Whole30 thinking about cakes, slices and all the other scrumptious baked goodies. Oh, like my (pretty healthy!) Chocolate Raspberry Muffins. They could be my best friend today. Anyway, it all started last night, when I went to the cupboard for my delicious lemongrass and ginger tea. Which my loving husband got for me – thankfully the tea problem averted for some time. And then, not even noticing it there ever before, a muesli bar fell out on me. Literally just jumped out of the cabinet. My question is – is the universe giving me some signals?
Crappy sleep is back. I am exhausted. I feel light headed. And I really really didn’t feel like doing anything today. I mean at all. I even made up our bed at 2:30 in the afternoon. Just to get back to it one hour later. But no, I didn’t have a nice refreshing afternoon nap. I felt worse. However, enough grumbling, I should find something positive about day four. In fact, there is one thing, I finally wasn’t hungry the whole day. Win!
I woke up at 7:30 this morning. Comfortably peckish, not too tired, back to normal. Hopefully yesterday’s early craze was just a little body adjustment, getting used to the healthy meals again. Presumably not that surprising when I replaced the stuffing-my-face-with-pretty-much-anything-moving. I was quite homesick after arriving to Australia, you know? But really happy as well, which also makes me eat a lot. My relationship with food can be quite complicated sometimes. My mood too.
I made it till morning. I honestly can’t remember a night when I would go to bed this hungry. It took me a while to focus my mind on something else and finally fell asleep. Am I really snacking that much so I don’t feel hungry normally? I mean, I do usually eat about five meals a day, but they are quite small, you know? Man, is this Whole30 thing already doing something to my body after one day or is it just in my head?
This is it. I’m finally doing my first Whole30. And I think I’m gonna die this month. I mean, I would consider my diet pretty healthy. But then, I eat almost everything, even if I know that sometimes I don’t feel the best after certain meals. But chocolate, you know. And wine. And the occasional pasta.