Once in a while awful anxiety overwhelms my mind badly and changes the easy-going optimistic girl to the biggest drama queen in the world. Of course it doesn’t come from nowhere. But I am usually good dealing with little things. Even with some big things, still keeping my mind straight. But it has to be only few of them at a time. Because when they build up and the boundaries are exceeded I just can’t control myself. I would burst out. I would cry and shout and give some people very hard time. Thankfully it happens only once in a blue moon, otherwise I probably wouldn’t be married anymore.
And if you are guessing at this point that today was one of these days, you are completely right. It just knocked me off. But luckily how fast these emotions comes that fast they also disappear. The only thing is that I need to let them out. Because the crying and shouting is part of the actual healing process. So now, when writing this down, I feel already much better than in the afternoon, when I was crying, feeling angry and useless, leaving snots on James’s shoulder. He is not a very emotional guy, you know. He hates dramas. But I have to say he can be pretty patient with me sometimes.
I should of sensed that something is coming in the morning already. Because, joke’s on me, I actually got the tic in my eye. And I usually get them only when I’m stressed. Or when I don’t have enough sleep, but I guess that is out of the game, as I’m currently not working, able to sleep as much as I want. And that’s where probably one of my biggest problems is. I am not working. I am not so independent as I used to be. And it’s a funny feeling. But this is exactly one the things, which wouldn’t pull the trigger by itself normally. Because I know it’s only temporary. Very uncomfortable, but only for a short time. Soon I will be probably wishing that this time without a job was longer…
Anyway, like if I knew that there won’t be proper lunch coming today, I made myself a huge breakfast. And I happily ate it all. Brekky is probably my favourite meal of the day. Because I’m usually nicely hungry in the morning, my taste buds excited about the new day. I rewarded myself (not being cranky yet) with hash, fried egg and avocado this morning. All splashed by nasty amount of Ranchero Salsa De Habanero after the picture was made. Honestly, this stuff is addictive!
So this is when things started to go down the hill. We went to couple apartment inspections today. And I was super excited about it. We will have (ok, we will actually rent, but anyway) our little place soon. We actually only lived by ourselves for 8 months so far. In the best apartment you can imagine. But then there was time for The Big Step. Otherwise we always lived with someone, from family to friends, to total strangers becoming our friends. However, that’s actually how we met, working in a ski resort and living on a same floor of the staff house. But as we are slowly getting older and it seems like we will spend some time in Australia (at least before the decision of my Visa is clear), so it would be nice to have something for ourselves.
Anyway, I can only say, that I wish I had the Photoshop skills as the real estate agents. I would swear we were about to take a look at couple beautiful apartments today, at least according the ads and pictures online. Instead we visited a stinky shoe box, located almost in a cellar and painted with colour similar to a baby puke. And then a place which kitchen was for dwarfs and in front of the apartment building was a funny haunted looking place. Kinda beautiful, but probably not when you go home at night.
Already feeling a bit off, I was looking forward to cheer the mood by the planned lunch in a restaurant. Here is the thing, if you are planning to eat out on the Whole30, make sure you do enough research. Maybe send them a little questionnaire. It might make your life easier. At least you would know that you should take emergency meal everywhere. Which I didn’t today. Because we decided to visit a paleo restaurant. They should be used to the weirdos with funny diets one would think. And paleo follows mostly same rules like Whole30, right? So the only thing I thought that may cause a problem was some kind of sugar in the meals. And that’s when I found that the service doesn’t really know what’s in the meals. And then, probably scared that we might ask more questions, they decided to ignore us completely.
So we left the restaurant, spending the next hour by desperately reading menus of all the other places we passed, before ending up with banana and mixed nuts from supermarket for lunch. Since we already experienced something similar on the Day 2, it shouldn’t be such a big deal. But today this seemed as the last drop for me. Around 2:20 this afternoon I completely lost it. I’m far away from home when I would love to be with some of the family members, I can’t work, I didn’t even apply for my visa yet, we can’t find a normal apartment AND I’m hungry. Not the best combination, trust me.
I came home about 2 hours before dinner time and there was no way I could wait for such a long time without eating something. So almost without breathing, I shovelled some jerky (I really have the best husband) down my throat and wash them down with a big portion of the Butternut Squash Soup. Life being quite good again. I let it out and I got fed. It can be quite simple sometimes.
Since I couldn’t decide if I feel more like minced meat or chicken breasts for dinner, I made a bit of both. Bitter melon stuffed with pork and beef mince and oven baked “chicken fingers” in shredded coconut, served with crispy coleslaw. Probably even tastier than in a restaurant anyway.